The Importance of Argument Closure

My husband and I fought today.

It started out like most marital fights start out – over something really dumb and small. We spent the day bickering via text message. And by the end of the day, I was exhausted and decided to take a nap.

While I was napping, my husband came home. I heard him come home but just couldn’t muster up the energy to go out and finish the argument. He eventually came in and woke me up to talk to me about the dinner he was making. I followed him in to the kitchen.

I pulled up a kitchen stool and said, “I love you and I don’t want to fight anymore.” He echoed my feelings. We spent five more minutes stating our grievances calmly, then we decided the argument was over. We put it to rest. We found closure and life moved on. Ten minutes later we were talking about our days and laughing.

We’ve been married almost three years, been together for six years, and we have just recently gotten the hang of this arguing thing. We used to let things fester. We used to choose not talking over having the painful conversations. We used to let things escalate until one of us just lost it.

But through experience, devotions, prayer, and learning, we’ve figured out the art of argument closure. No argument just gets dropped. It gets solved. It doesn’t fade and it isn’t left to harbor resentment. It’s brought to the surface until we prayerfully let it go (and really let it go, as in we never talk about it again). I can’t tell you what this process has done for my trust, comfort, and stress levels.

Oh, and I forgot the most important part of argument closure. The “I’m sorry” flowers. ;)

The "I'm Sorry" Flowers

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